At an anti bullying seminar in Basingstoke that we ran for local kids, that were either having problems with being bullied at school or who wanted useful tips on how to avoid being bullied, we found out that:-

Of the 24 participants

• 22 had been bullied at school this term.
• The girls were mainly subject to oral bullying, but 30% of them had suffered physical attacks
• Nearly 80% of the boys had suffered physical bullying
• 6 of the children were bullied every day 
• 2 of the children had needed medical treatment as a result of being bullied.
• Most of the kids said that their schools response to the bullying was ineffective and that even after the bullies had been spoken to by the teachers, nothing had changed
• 2 of the kids had moved schools to get away from the bullying
• 2 of the parents found that the school only became interested when they (the parent) threatened to get the local media involved

We spent a large proportion on the course with the kids themselves discussing

1. What Bullying is
2. Why people bully
3. Why THEY get picked on
4. How to stop being bullied

It was saddening to listen to the kids tell us why they got bullied and what it had meant for them. It got quite emotional with two of the boys crying during this session, it makes you wonder what kind of society we live in, when we are still allowing our kids to be subjected to this without helping them deal with it.

You’d never guess the reasons, why the kids get bullied would you? A few of the reasons were  ”I’m small” “I’ve got red hair” “They say I’m fat” “I’m good at Sport” “I’m tall” “I’m good at school” “I look scared.” If any of you were bullied at school, I’m sure you’ll recognise these reasons.

We role played a number of scenarios with one (or more) bullies and a victim to help give the kids an insight into some tactics to deal with bullying. Without replaying everything word for word, the key messages that came out of this part of the workshop were:-

• Ignore them and walk away – no matter how scared, sad or angry they are making you don’t react. Remember they will be trying as hard as they can to make you react, so don’t give in. Go straight home if you are out playing or straight to a teacher if you are in school and talk it through with an adult. 
• Try and reason with them. Sometimes the people who try and bully us are well known to us and may even have been a friend in the past. If this is the case, you may be able to talk to them and explain that what they are doing is hurtful and you want them to stop. Ask them how they would like to be treated in this way.
• Speak in a strong assertive voice. Tell them to go away and leave you alone and that if they do anything to you that you will tell your parents and teachers.
• Agree with them – whatever the bully says, even if it is very insulting, speak back to them as if you don’t care. For example say “ Really, that’s nice, thanks for letting me know, okay, whatever”. If it’s an ongoing problem see if your parents can help you come up with some comebacks that you can say when you’re under pressure and practice saying them out loud at home.  When I was at school I used to get bullied by a girl because I wore glasses, she used to call me names and tell me I looked stupid. So one day I replied, “Maybe you’d like to borrow my glasses, you obviously need some to see clearly because the only person who looks stupid around here is you!” Everyone laughed at her and she never mentioned my glasses again!
• Take up a defensive stance and don’t let them hurt you. If there is no alternative, then use the self-defence techniques outlined in the guide to help you. (All the kids took away a guide to anti bullying and self protection

We spent some time at the end of the seminar with the parents as well, talking through with them some of the things to watch for and also for them to practice with their kids. Bullying is invidious, but like most things, learning to deal with it, is an acquired skill that needs practice to perfect.

The major topic for them to work with the kids on, was confidence or rather helping to build it in their kids, we spent time discussing this with the parents and look at some ways to show the kids that their efforts were being noticed.

If your child is being bullied it is important to build their confidence. This will take lots of positive praise and affection. You will need to give them regular reminders that you love them and that you are fully on their side, that the bullying is not their fault and that you will get the problem sorted out for them.

It often helps to have replies ready for the bully’s most common taunts. Help your child come up with something they can say.

Watch your child and try and minimise any anti-social activity which may draw a bully’s advances. For example, nose picking or constant sniffing or whining. If your child has difficulty making friends then role play with them at home and help them to improve and develop their social skills. Don’t let your child draw attention to themselves by taking expensive possessions into school. Tell them to stick close to other people (even if they are not close friends) and try not to be alone. 

Praise any good and positive behaviour your child displays. This will help to make them feel valued and important.

If your child is grumpy or irritable, it is possible that they are behaving the same way around other children, which in turn, may make them a target for bullying. Factors which can affect your child’s mood include:

• Lack of sleep.
• Improper diet. Certain foods affect children’s moods including foods that are high in sugar, caffeine or fat. Keep your child’s diet balanced with plenty of fruits and vegetables.
• Lack of exercise. Children that do not exercise regularly tend to have a lower level of energy which will affect his or her mood.

Try and get your child interested in some new extra-curricular activities. This can help them to make new friends and give them a positive focus.

This anti bullying seminar was well timed to coincide with the return to school and the changes for the children in settling into their new year. It also gave us some good ideas and feedback that we have been able to incorporate into our regular classes for some additional practice.